Monthly Archives: July 2013

Staying Friends with Your Bestfriend

food and friend
So they say that your best friend should be your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Having your boyfriend/girlfriend as your best friend is both good and better.
It is good  because it is one way of becoming intimate with him/her.
The prerequisite of loving is knowing.
So becoming her/his best friend helps in knowing your partner.
The more you know the more you love.
And you can’t love something you don’t know.
So it really is good to have your beloved as your best friend.
It is also better so as to avoid jealousy and even envy.
To narrow down this topic let’s isolate the case of having a best friend that is of the opposite sex.
Since I’m a male I’m speaking from a man’s perspective or this could be just my personal perspective.
Having a girlfriend and a girl best friend could sometimes be confusing on my part and on their part.
My intimacy with my girlfriend and my intimacy with my best friend are not similar but could be misinterpreted or could be inappropriate.
I could have the tendency of telling my girlfriend what a great best friend I have and I could tell my best friend just how wonderful my girlfriend is.
I could have the tendency to be affectionate towards my girlfriend and I could show the same affection towards my best friend.
I could care about my best friend as much as I care about my girlfriend.
And so this creates confusion and conflict.
By now you should be convinced that having your boyfriend/girlfriend as your best friend is both good and better.
But what about having your best friend as your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Sometimes we think about that.
We are tempted to think about it in the absence of choice —that is when no one is attracted to you or you are not attracted to any one else.
Or we could be tempted to think about it when your best friend is really the better choice for you.
Is it wrong to fall in love with your best friend?
I believe that a good relationship starts with being friends and it stays strong when you become best friends.
But  could we actually avoid falling in love with our best friend and stay as best friends?
Are we suppose to lower down the level of intimacy with our best friend when we are in a relationship?
Or are you suppose to get out of friendship when you are already falling for your best friend?
While there are available psychological helps and biblical truths regarding friendship with the opposite sex let me just throw a couple of thoughts on this dilemma.
I believe it is okay to fall in love with your best friend.
And I believe it is possible to have a modest friendship with the opposite sex while in a decent relationship.
If you would ask me how to stay friends with your best friend I would say it takes a lot of faith, principle, discipline, knowledge of right and wrong, sense of responsibility and accountability, and fear of God.