Staying Friends with Your Bestfriend

food and friend
So they say that your best friend should be your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Having your boyfriend/girlfriend as your best friend is both good and better.
It is good  because it is one way of becoming intimate with him/her.
The prerequisite of loving is knowing.
So becoming her/his best friend helps in knowing your partner.
The more you know the more you love.
And you can’t love something you don’t know.
So it really is good to have your beloved as your best friend.
It is also better so as to avoid jealousy and even envy.
To narrow down this topic let’s isolate the case of having a best friend that is of the opposite sex.
Since I’m a male I’m speaking from a man’s perspective or this could be just my personal perspective.
Having a girlfriend and a girl best friend could sometimes be confusing on my part and on their part.
My intimacy with my girlfriend and my intimacy with my best friend are not similar but could be misinterpreted or could be inappropriate.
I could have the tendency of telling my girlfriend what a great best friend I have and I could tell my best friend just how wonderful my girlfriend is.
I could have the tendency to be affectionate towards my girlfriend and I could show the same affection towards my best friend.
I could care about my best friend as much as I care about my girlfriend.
And so this creates confusion and conflict.
By now you should be convinced that having your boyfriend/girlfriend as your best friend is both good and better.
But what about having your best friend as your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Sometimes we think about that.
We are tempted to think about it in the absence of choice —that is when no one is attracted to you or you are not attracted to any one else.
Or we could be tempted to think about it when your best friend is really the better choice for you.
Is it wrong to fall in love with your best friend?
I believe that a good relationship starts with being friends and it stays strong when you become best friends.
But  could we actually avoid falling in love with our best friend and stay as best friends?
Are we suppose to lower down the level of intimacy with our best friend when we are in a relationship?
Or are you suppose to get out of friendship when you are already falling for your best friend?
While there are available psychological helps and biblical truths regarding friendship with the opposite sex let me just throw a couple of thoughts on this dilemma.
I believe it is okay to fall in love with your best friend.
And I believe it is possible to have a modest friendship with the opposite sex while in a decent relationship.
If you would ask me how to stay friends with your best friend I would say it takes a lot of faith, principle, discipline, knowledge of right and wrong, sense of responsibility and accountability, and fear of God.

About Marmar Dagu-ob

Will graduate life with honor and no regret.

Posted on July 26, 2013, in On Friendship and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 30 Comments.

  1. You bring up so many amazing questions, and I’ve pondered most of them over the last few years. I don’t really have a lot of answers, but I do know this: It is the rare friendship that can weather the storm of love, attraction, passion, jealousy, and (sometimes) the realization that platonic friendship is the best place for the two of you. But when you have a friendship like that, it’s a deep one. One worth holding on to. I know, because I have a friendship like that and it is one of the most precious relationships I have.

  2. I love my guy friends. I also am attracted to them. It creates a wonderful tension but seems to work best when the attraction remains unconsummated. Sex seems to push us farther apart rather than closer together.

    That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love to be in an intimate physical relationship with one of my best guy friends. I just haven’t found that it worked for me…….yet. 🙂

  3. I loved this. I can relate!

  4. One of my best friends is a member of the opposite sex. People that don’t know us think we’re dating, but we’ve never crossed that line. We know the other better than almost anyone else. I think what makes it work for us is honesty. We are always honest with our feelings and with each other.

  5. Dude, I couldn’t agree more. However, if things go bad it can get complicated. I have come to find out best make sure that you are as close as you think you are before dating.

  6. David M. Green

    Making a girl friend and/or intimate partner/wife one’s best friend is a mistake that far too many men make to their eventual regret. A mistake that led my father to an untimely grave and all too early death at the age of 55.

  7. I agree with David – I honestly don’t think you can be best friends with your partner in the same way you can be best friends with your ‘best friend’. I believe to have a solid long-lasting relationship you need external input from friendship and if you are getting this freindship internally then you have no break from that same person. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Sure you can be close as hell to your partner and tell them your thoughts, passions and dreams but your best friend and your, in my case, boufriend are completely different set ups and should remain that way! I do value your points though, always love a good debate! x

  8. Thank you for confusing me! You bring up some good points, thanks for sharing. From experience, I think it takes a lot to combine the two but it can also be very rewarding if it works!

  9. This article is so intriguing. It is possible to be physically attracted to your best friend, but chose to value the friendship over the attraction. I do this all the time; so I know it works.

  10. Reblogged this on Inspired Art and commented:
    This is a great article on frienships, best friends and girlfriends.. I thought it important to share with those who would find this helpful..

  11. I am loving your blog! Thanks for stopping by mine and following! Can’t stop reading yours! 😉

  12. In cheesy love stories, it is very well-known that lovers started as friends as they have lots of similarities. But in reality, not all successful relationships are built with lots of similarities of couples. A strong relationship has also been strengthened by differences and some fights. So for those who have best friends (I’m talking about the opposite sex), they decided to keep a friendship, but not as lovers because there’s no magical feeling and they are just enjoying the presence of their best friends.

  13. far as im concerned, nothing is cast in Iron. And the things that are cast are the things we met in that state or decided to make that way… It is essential that you have friends outside of your intimate relationship and if you get lucky enough to have a bestfriend either male or female, especially if your bond is tight then good for you. Friendship of this sort with the opposite sex can work, i know because i have one…and it is only as pure as you both decide to make it. I know emotions are a powerful thing but i also believe that the reason so many such friendships fail is that the world as we have it now is heavily run by immorality and so many people succumb to it, forgetting that they have the power to control it. Have a boyfriend aor a girlfriend, love him/her, be truthful in all ways … But DO NOT dump your bestfriend. You wont like the taste of it in the long run. Your post is awesome and thought provoking.

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