Battered Wife Syndrome
My sister, Judy, wanted me to share her poem with you. She has a powerful story in her words filled with pain and anger. Could you please give me comments about how you are praying for her? Part of battered person syndrome is the feeling that you are helpless to do anthing to empower yourself to escape the living hell of your abuse.
My sister did communicate the message effectively to her husband to stop beating her up. She says the physical abuse ended a long time ago, but the emotional abuse continues.
Personally, I want my sister to leave her husband. The decision to stay or leave rests with my sister. I have prayed for her and keep praying for her to flex the wings of her own indpendence. She could have entered a graphic arts program with her artistic skills that likely came from my mother. There are so many things Judy could do with her life, but she feels powerless to change her situation.
Perhaps, if I was able to pass along inspirational messages from you, it might give Judy encouragement to free herself from her emotionally abusive prison. I keep on praying and hoping that she will find her wings and fly to her God-given potential.
I think it would be a real encouragement to my sister if people reblogged her poem. I think it could even be published in an online magazine or in print media.
What you can do is spread its message by sharing it with your contacts. Let’s keep Judy’s story going, because it is also the story of so many abused women.
The reference to “take back the night” is about a gathering of women walking through communities to highlight the issue of spousal abuse.
If you come from abuse or images of abuse will be too disturbing for you to read about, please read no further.
Let us pray that stories like my sister’s and mine concerning the physical and emotional abuse I experienced from my manic depressant schizophrenic father, will encourage the abused to come forward with their story. I believe it is in sharing our stories that healing will finally happen.
Then, the prayer I made to my Lord as a young boy that with His help I would be used to free many from their prison of abuse, will have been answered.
I cried many times reading Judy’s poem. I wanted to rescue her, to fix it, but only Christ can heal my sister’s wounded heart. Please pray for spiritual protection before reading this poem. There are dark images in it, Yet, in telling the story of abuse there will be darkness as we seek with God’s strength and His grace to lead people to the light.
Battered Wife Syndrome
Does anyone really begin to know what women go through day after day?
It’s like some women have no say.
Put the men out on the street, so they would know what it feels like to get beat
How many times did I end up on the floor?
Because how many times I couldn’t get out the door
Do this. Do that. Do this. Do that.
The psychiatrist said he would not to live like that.
When you stay in violence this is what goes on
But somehow I think somebody knew
’cause God sees everything you go through.
What I had to go through day after day was not right.
How many times did I shake with fright?
Just to be able to sit outside
I used to take rides on my bike to calm myself down,
so I wouldn’t end up with a nervous breakdown.
Take back the night.
When we talk about respect, respect works both ways.
Again, listen to what I say
From broken glass to a broken door
Boy, was I sore!
No woman likes to be a battered wife.
Yes, there were times I cried.
Yes, there are times I wanted to die
Oh, if you only knew what I was going through!
No woman needs to get beat ’til they’re black and blue
This in turn can happen to you.
How many times did I take a fall?
How many times did I get my head banged against a wall?
Was it the whisky or was it the beer?
Why was I going through this year after year?
Women of the world unite.
Let’s remember take back the night.
Let’s also take to the streets to spread the message that no woman needs to get beat.
Is that any kind of life?
Share this with friends:
About Dr. Kevin Osborne B.A., B.Th., M.A., M.Div., Psy.D., Th.D. (Cand.)I enjoy spending time with people just having a coffee or talking about life, philosophy, religion, politics or sharing a favorite joke or story. We learn from one another as we interact and share our joys, challenges and even our times of sadness. I enjoy reading, writing, singing and sharing in the blessing of community whether that is one on one or in groups. I'm married and am powned by two kitties named Sir William of Lounge a.k.a. Sir Lounge a Lot and Princess Catherine of Chaos a.k.a. Her Royal Highness Catherine of Englehart. Two years ago I completed my Doctorate in Psychology (Psy.D.) through St. James the Elder University. On Sept. 26th 2020, I graduated with a Master of Divinity degree from Canadian Christian Theological Seminary. These journeys were started over 20 years ago. In 1997 I received a Bachelor of Theology degree from Canada Christian College & Graduate School. Between working and studying it took 13 years to finish it. Let us pray for and reach out to each other with kindness, love and an embracing compassion. We can working together be servants with two open hands to those in need so that hate, indifference and inequality would lose and love will win. The peace and abounding joy of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.
Posted on October 7, 2013, in On Circumstances, Uncategorized and tagged abuse, alcohol, awareness, back, banged, battered, beat, believe, bike, black, blogging, blue, breakdown, broken, communicate, Community, contacts, day, decision, disturbing, door, educate, emotional, empower, escape, fall, free, freedom, fright, glass, God, head, healing, Hell, Hope, husband, images, independence, inspirational, issue, life, living, love, manic depressant schizophrenia, Media, message, nervous, night, physical, poem, powerful, powerless, prayer, print, private, psychiatrist, publish, raise, read, reblog, remember, shake, sister, sore, spread, stay, story, street, take, unite, wall, wife, woman, women, World, year. Bookmark the permalink. 66 Comments.
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I can sympathize as I have been there. It doesn’t feel good to become someone who has accepted this in their life. What does feel good is showing that bastard that he was wrong all along and that I could leave when I was ready. They like to tell you that no one else would want you and that you don’t have any other options so you better stay. It feels good to prove them wrong. There is a better life out there for the abused.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m so glad you have a more beautiful life away from your terrible abuse.
I echo your thoughts on the need for an abused woman to escape. My mom, two sisters, brother and me took abuse from my manic depressant schizophrenic father for far longer than we should have. There was the societal expectation when I was being raised that even if a wife was abused she was expected to stay with her husband. My mom went to my grandmother saying she needed to leave my father for the sake of her children and herself. The response was unsupportive. “If you leave Jim, I’m leaving Thornbury.”
My dad had managed to hide the abuse from other relatives and our closest friends. He would hit mom in very select areas and then order her to wear clothes to hide the bruises. Dad would be kind in public, but mean and spiteful in private. It’s really hard for a five year-old boy to understand that dad doesn’t mean to hit you and tell you you’re lazy, stupid and clumsy. He was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One moment, he was the kindest man you’d ever want to know. Then, without warning he would say cruel and hurtful things or swat me at the kitchen table while I was having supper. So, mom took the abuse five more years. In total, more than ten years of abuse. Then, she went to my grandmother and showed her the scars and the bruises. Finally, my grandmother believed.
She cried asking for mom’s forgiveness. Then, she said, “You need to leave Jim right now. June, I’m so sorry for not believing you.” Mom left for a life of freedom away from her private hell.
She divorced my father on the grounds of physical and mental cruelty. in 1980 my mom married her teeenage sweetheart, George.
No one under any circumstances deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form. Anyone counseling a person to stay in an abusive situation needs to think would they do the same if they were abused and there was no hope to save their marriage? People need to stop judging the abused and offer them their support and their love.
I felt the fear, the anguish, the pain and I also felt so happy that in the end she moved from victim to survivor…and met her high school love and is certainly he Victor now…so moving reading this, thank you, Oliana
Yes, it’s a moving and touching story. Thank you for sharing how the piece spoke to your heart.
Reblogged this on Psychic Pharmacy Tech.
Thank you most kindly for the reblog! I’m sure my sister will be glad to know that her struggles are not in vain.
No one should have to ever endure any abuse. It is unacceptable.
I couldn’t agree more.
Obviously, your sister needs to remove herself from the violent situation as soon as possible and be safe. The husband needs to enter counseling to get sober. If he is Christian, he needs to go through Christian counseling and deliverance. Many marriages are full of evil. Devil is right there to deceive, kill and destroy. Seek help through Christian counseling. E-mail me for more info. I pray that God shields you from every evil. I pray that He intervenes in this marriage which satan is trying to destroy. I pray that He shows you the way out of this situation. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
I do fully agree with you that my sister needs to leave. Both my sister and her husband have an addiction to alcohol. My brother-in-law isn’t Christian. My sister believes in God, but her husband’s abuse has eaten away at her faith. Yes, most wholeheartedly I agree with you that both need counseling.
As you know, with Battered Wife Syndrome the abused person feels powerless to leave. The abuse takes pieces away of their self-confidence until the abused person feels nothing will change and often has a resignation that the abuse will continue.
Thank you for your prayers of protection from the Enemy. I know they come from one who is a fellow warrior of the faith.
Keep on fighting he good fight!
God’s richest blessings to you!
Reblogged this on Rainbowsprout.
Thank you most kindly for the reblog!
God bless both of you as you learn to heal from the abuse. May God make you both stronger. Continue to shed light on this issue. It is time.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful prayer for my sister and me. When we are weak, then are we made strong in Christ(2Cor. 12:10).
I will do my best God helping me to shed much more light on the issue of abuse. I agree it is time for me and my sister and all the abused to share our stories, that with much time and counseling healing can come for all of us.
You are doing women a great service by shining a light on something ugly. It takes courage. God bless you in your effort.
It’s an epidemic. Child and female abuse have always been around. What kind of species are we? And there are few effective laws helping the ones being abused. Good luck to her! If we all said some prayers for her…
Yes, it certainly is an epidemic. Sometimes, like you I wonder about all the cruelty that happens in this world. Knowing there are many people like you who care, there is always hope. I agree with you that there needs to be more effective laws helping the abused. I would add that there needs to be more programs to support the abused with counseling, especially in what is considered more isolated communities like in northern Ontario where even in a situation where like me recovering from abuse from my manic depressant schizophrenic father, I only get to see a psychiatrist very infrequently for consultation purposes. This leaves social workers and mental health workers carrying heavy caseloads. What is right about that?
My sister, Judy, needs our prayers and so do all those who are abused in body, mind and spirit. I will pass along your considerate thoughts.
Reblogged this on Traces of the Soul and commented:
A story of courage!
Thank you most kindly for the reblog.
I really hope that she walks out on that sick person soon. She knows that it is not okay..now she needs to gather her inner strength and courage to walk out to this warm and wonderful world of opportunities…. Being a survivor is good but not taking advantage of the opportunity to better life is naive. Walk out girl. Feel the power in you. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are your own protector.
I’ll pass along your thoughtful message.
This is so heartbreaking 😦
Judy, you are a brave and beautiful woman who deserves nothing but the best life you can possibly live.
You are existing at the moment, the only time you will be ALIVE is when you rid yourself of this prison you have locked yourself in. I can tell you honestly as a child of God that he will give you exactly what you want,all you need do is act and do as your gut feelings directs you.
I know how terrible you must feel, many times we women lock ourselves up in perpetual misery and sorrow because we have not yet forgiven ourselves.
Yes!,you have to forgive yourself for allowing another human being take control of your life and treat you like an animal!
The pain and shame we feel about our lives imprison us and we tend to become complacent in our reasoning. I know you will leave and you’ll find happiness soon; because you are way stronger than you realize.
The only way this man wins is if you allow this sorrow to consume you perpetually..Do you have kids? if you do, then please do not think you are staying for them, because you’ll only teach them it’s okay to accept this sort of life.
I don’t meant any disrespect my dear, but you had abuse in your family as a child did you not? Look at how many years your mom stayed, doing her best to be good and preserve the family….look what it got her. You don’t have to do this for anyone’s sake but YOURS!
You are an inspiration because you acknowledge the injustice in your life and you know it’s not proper to live life like this. You have found an outlet in your arts and poetry, you now have to pick up the courage which I know you have; and walk away from him.
Emotional abuse leaves invisible scares which leaves even a greater damage than some physical scares, this will not only limit it’s repercussions to just you, but everyone and everything around you.
I will never stop praying for you Judy, God bless you and may he lift you high above fear and guilt to fly and soar higher than eagles 🙂
REBLOGGED ON DOTTARAPHELS……THANKS SO MUCH BARBARA FOR SHARING THIS.
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your schedule to write such a letter of the love of Christ within you for Judy’s wounded soul. I am moved beyond any words I could write at how moving I personally found your letter to be.
Judy only has a son in his thirties, who only visits periodically.
I will be sure to pass along your beautiful letter and all the thoughts all of you have shared. Let’s pray that something you have all said to Judy reaches her. I have prayed for her so so much. I have even told her she could saty with Karen and me indefinitely until she can get her own life started.
I’ll let you know what has happened as a result of what you and so many others have shared.
May God run you over with His blessings!
Reblogged this on DottaRaphels and commented:
THE FALLEN FINALLY RISE, LETS HELP THEM SOAR…….
Dotta, thank you most kindly for the reblog. You and all those who are reblogging this true story of unacceptable abuse are helping to spread the word. It is my prayer that this will cause many to come forward with their story of abuse, so all can start or get further along the journey of their own inner healing.
I pray that all of us who have been abused will heal and soar on the wings of our God-given potential. And as one commenter said so well, “It is time.”
God bless you so much for spreading the word!
🙂 you are most welcome Kevin, your sis is very lucky to have love in you and your family.
Thanks for those kind words.
Have a light-filled week!
Thanks for that most heart-felt thought.
The Lord shower you with manifold blessings for being such an encourager and prayerful suppoter of my sister’s and my journey to inner healing.
Amen! You are a kind man Kevin, and I’m blesssed to have come in contact with your blog. Continue to do what you do, spreading the message of hope to so many women /men out there…I can attest to the hope and encouragement it’s giving to many because I have had two women reach out to me since I reblogged your initial message, and they are finding courage little by little.
Reblogged this on Seun Odukoya and commented:
Share. Please share. Sounds like the stuff of a movie or so – but it is the reality a lot of women wake up to daily – that is if they ever get a chance to sleep.
Lord have mercy.
Thank you most kindly for the reblog.
It sure does sound like what would be in a few movies and even a book. It is a sad reality that many women wake up to, but should never have to. Your comment about sleep really reached me. Even into my adulthood I had such a rough time sleeping. Now, that I have finally said over two years ago when the weight of gunnysacking my abuse for over 48 years, as I share my own story of the terrible life-stealing, joy-robbing physical and emotional abuse of my manic depressant schizophrenic father, I am beginning to sleep better. My sentinel isn’t so much on guard.
I really was in a battle, one for my very life. I would say to myself, “Kevin, it’s not safe to go to sleep. You must stay awake and make sure your mom is safe. Your dad could come in and try to smother you with a pillow. Kevin, stay awake!”
No child should ever have to experience this kind of horror. And it really was a horror movie, only it was real, not fantasy.
The great news is that as I remember the haunting images of my childhood of my mom trying to commit suicide by hanging herself with a belt, dad stopping the car, getting ou, kissing the road and saying he was God, I am finally knowing when to say to people, “I can’t go any further. It isn’t safe without a counselor.”
Please pray that one day it will just be a story. I pray that for my sister as well.
Yes, Lord have mercy.
Thank you for sharing this. There aren’t enough words to explain because I can’t seem to get them out, but thank you. It needed to be said. Thank you.
And that’s okay that you can’t get out all the words. Your comment speaks volumes about your passion for this issue.
I accept your thanks most kindly, with the hope that what my sister and me have shared will help others to have the courage to come forward with their story of abuse in a way that puts them further on the road to their inner healing.
Peace be with you.
Cruelty of any description is simply….wrong. No one deserves to experience abuse of any sort. I will keep her in my prayers.x
I fully agree with you.
Thank you so much for your prayers for my sister. You have a well-written blog with a realness of your life’s journey. Really enjoyed “Oceans of Only You.” Have you thought of doing a book of your beautiful poetry. I’m collecting prayer poems I’ve written for a book called “Prayer Poems from Gethsemane.”
As a fellow writer, I echo the comments of others about your writing. Please keep doing it. Your writing reaches to my soul. As I grieve the loss of two close friends, one my journalism professor and the other an advocate for the hurting and the poor, your beautiful soul-filled writing with its picture images is bringing me comfort.
I will count it a gift to follow your blog.
If you are interested in taking further training in writing even at the M.F.A. level after paying a small membership fee you get free access to a wide range of writing courses. You get cerificates for each one you complete. You can also get your writing critiqued by published authors. This could also be an opportunity for you to network with other writers. Some say they have gone on to have published articles and books. I was fascinated by the wide range of courses they offer.
Check it out for yourself at: https://www.writersvillage.com/wvu2/
Would love to see your writing published!
Thanks for adding your thoughts to the series of comments I’ve been receiving on this important issue. It is most unfortunate that part of “Battered Person Syndrome” is that the one abused can end up falsely thinking the abuse had to be their fault.
Thank you so much for keeping my sister in your prayers.
And so the cycle perpetuates itself. Raising awareness so important not just for the public but for the victim and even the abuser. letting them know that no one else thinks it’s ok. That something is far wrong. Your sister’s message is such an important one as acknowledgement of that.
Blessings to you and to your sister. And, more in need possibly, is the one who does not see what he is doing and how much it belittles all of men when bullying and violence become their way.
I’ll just pray for everyone! 😉 x
Very true. You raise an excellent point in praying for Vick. His actions are those I think of one who was abused himself. The one who is abused often becomes an abuser. Thankfully, not all abused become abusers.
Abuse then becomes its own perpetuating vicious cycle.
We all need your prayers.
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Your thoughts make me really think and reflect upon the importance of the message you have shared.
God shower you with blessings!
And He on you. x
Indeed women unite… We have been lead to believe for generations that women are 2nd class citizens… well guess who made this rule and why… because women are all-lovingly-powerfuly and men have always been afraid… It is time NOW sisters to breathe in our Goddess power and reclaim our sovereignty… When we truly radiate our loving power… no one will dare raise a hand to strike or spread venom from their mouth… It is up to us to break this terrible cycle which has been put upon us… if we can’t do it for ourself, lets do it for our children… We all have inner strength.. claim it please…. take care Barbara
I’ll pass along your thoughts to my sister from the heart. No person at any time or under any circumstance should ever be abused. I hear the passion of your thoughts. The actions of some guys are thoughtless and cruel.
I have seen men abused. I saw it with my own mother when she would know just what buttons to psychologically press to rattle my stepfather. Abuse of women by men should not be tolerated, nor should abuse by women of men be accepted either. Abuse in any form is just wrong and should never be tolerated, period.
Women do need to unite. Physical abuse should always be reported to the police. If a woman does it to a man, she should be reported. If a man does it to a woman, he should be reported.
Men often do not report their physical abuse because they fear they will be laughed at for doing do. It’s the way many of us men have been raised.
Frankly, there are men whose abuse of women I find repugnant. Not all of us men are the bad guy or the rogue. It makes it so hard for the kind men who are out there, if women take the time to look for them.
Barbara, i couldn’t agree with you more about the need to break the cycle of abuse. We need to do it collectively as a society for both men and women.
It would be wonderful if we all lived in a perfect world where no one was ever abused. The unfortunate truth is that we live in a world that is far from being perfect. What we can do is raise awareness of the issue as my sister and me are doing.
Will it stop the abuse? Sadly, no it won’t. What can happen is that we can nmake a more concerted effort as a society to have tougher laws, so abusers will get the message loud and clear that there is a cost for their behaviour. However, I think we need to look at the reasons abuse happens. Then,we need to take measures to address the issues surrounding it. If we keep putting band-aids on a gaping wound the problem of abuse will just become more of a cancerous poison.
What I do know is that if those who have been abused like me as I was by my manic depressant schizophrenic father don’t heal from our abuse, we are the losers. I choose to be a survivor, not a victim. The road to inner healing can be long and painful. I’ve been in counseling over two years for my abuse. I am one of the blessed ones. I am starting to finally heal.
Barbara, as you know, so many remain either ignoring their abuse or they just give up on life. I think your last words of advice to all who read your thoughts from your heart says what needs to happen. “We all have an inner strength.” Let us all use that strength to do what we can to address the problems that create abuse in the first place. I have no doubt that you are a passionate voice in that cause.
Barbara, keep on fighting! We need people like you who truly understand and want to help.
Peace be with you.
I pray that your sister will be free from her suffering. She is lucky to have you in her life. Thank you for sharing her poem….it strikes a chord with far too many of us. I think you and your sister, heck the whole world, will appreciate this TEDx talk. Check it out and keep on going! http://avoiceforhope.wordpress.com/2013/10/13/violence-against-women-its-a-mens-issue/
I saw the video and couldn’t agree more. Abuse is a men’s issue in that men have the power to stand up and say to other men, “Heh, buddy! Stop abusing your wife!” My wife told me about a commercial she watched that had the end tag line. “She’s your wife, not your punching bag.”
Far more men need to say to abusers, “Stop what you are doing. Get help.” Guys, there’s just something about when we say to a guy friend, “You have gone too far.”, that he is more inclined to listen to. Often, women are so emotionally battered that they feel there is no alternative left but to stay and put up with the abuse for the sake of their children. Often as well, sense of self-worth has been eroded. I know this all too well. When I was told by my manic depressant schizophrenic father that I was lazy, stupid, clumsy, and a good for nothing who would always be a failure, I began to believe the negative programming. Even now I have to be careful that I don’t seek to prove myself to people. That is what abuse has done to me. I would be saying, “I’m better than my father said I was. Let me show you 10 links that demonstrate my ability as a writer. I’ll prove to you that I’m intelligent and articulate.”
Thankfully, after over two years of counseling I’m realizing that I have nothing to prove. I don’t need to show you 10 or even 20 links that shows what I am capable of. I can just be the me God created and is shaping more into the person He wants me to be.
If I could give all abused people a gift it would be that they would all know they are special to God’s heart and mine. They all have a purpose, a rsison d’etre. If I could show them that, it would then make lemonade out of the lemons in my life.
You keep on going too! I will be following your blog with great interest. Please let me know if I can help in any way. Please feel free to reblog any of my pieces that you feel would reach others with the message that they are both loved and valued.
Love your blog name. Very original.
Thank you so much for your comments and your support of the our common cause. The best thing any of us can do is makes lemonade out of lemons, because life is hard sometimes and too many lemons poison the soul, whereas lemonade is refreshing and can invigorate us.
Yes, too many lemons can poison the soul. Glad to lend a helping hand for an issue so dear to my heart. Let’s all make a lot of lemonade!
Have a super week!
My sympathy and warmest regards go to your sister. No one should put up with abuse whether physical or psychological. I hope that you will support your sister and help her find a way of getting out of that relationship. Perhaps after so many years of abuse she has internalised the hurt and does not believe herself worthy of being loved and finding happiness with someone else or even on her own. But she is worthy and she does deserve a second chance at life and happiness. I hope she finds the strength to leave.
I thank you for your warm thoughts concerning my sister. I couldn’t agree more with everything you say. I keep telling Judy she is far more than her husband says she is. The brother, Kevin, wants to fix it and make it all better. Yet, this is the difficult thing for me. My sister is convinced she can’t live independently. Her husband has done a very effective job of eroding Judy’s self-confidence and sense of self-worth. Yet, as I share yours and so many other people’s thoughts with her, perhaps something that is said by those who don’t know her will reach her in a way I cannot. It is far easier to say to herself that what I say is because I can’t be objective as her brother, who loves her very much. It will be more difficult to deny many objective opinions and thoughts from those who don’t know Judy.
The Judy I love is a gifted cartoonist and artist. She is kind to animals and speaks their language. She I believe could be an effective advocate for women’s rights and the rights of all people not to be abused.
My counselor said that I need to be very careful that I am not brought down into depression in puttting my hand into the raging whirlpool of my sister’s life. Judy often tries to pour the garbage of her life all over me. Then, she feels better and I feel miserable. For the sake of my own well-being I have had to tell Judy when to stop sharing from her life. Another counselor said to me, “Do you have a sign on your forehead that says garbage dump?”
I think if Judy focused on what she can do to help others this would help her a lot. She has a powerful and moving story. I told her that she should be sharing it at public venues such as abused women shelters, on the radio and in print media. She could make lemonade out of all of the lemons in her life by empowering other women to come forward with their story. She could help facilitate their healing.
I am a survivor of the cutting and cruel words and too many beatings to count from my manic depressant schizophrenic father. I escaped the abuse after 11 years of it, but it has left its painful scars. I am healing, but I still cry as I speak to my counselor about that horrific time in my life of my living private hell.
It is both my hope and prayer that Judy’s story and mine will free many from their own private hell hidden in the shadows of their fears.
I echo your words in my own heart. I too hope she finds the strength to leave.
Your story moved me as much as did your sister’s struggles.
I do not know if this letter will help, but I share it with you in the hope that it will: http://shardsofsilence.wordpress.com/2013/08/29/breaking-the-silence-on-depression-2/
Best wishes to both you and your sister xx
Thanks for the follow. Prayers for your sister and everyone like her. My sister has avoided getting married so far but she keeps hooking up with abusive guys. We need people like you to keep raising your voice for those who can’t speak for themselves.
I’ll do what I can. It really is a collective effort we can all engage in to send a message that the abuse stops here.
I wish your sister the very best of luck and hope that she has the strength to do the right thing and escape from the abuse.
Thank you for your thoughts. No one has a right to abuse anyone under any circumstances. I bristle whenever I hear even in a movie, “She or he deserved it.” No one deserves to be abused. This is distorted thinking that needs to change.
I had a situation many years ago of an abusive husband who was beating up his wife. I was a very young assistant pastor. His wife contacted our church through finding us in the phone book.
When she called me I arranged to meet her. She had bruises on her face. She told me her husband was stressed out because he was out of work for a long time. He started beating her up whenever they would argue about finance. Their childtren saw this.
She told me her pastor was out of town. She desperately needed help. She needed the abuse to end, but she didn’t want to call the police and have her husband charged. She said before her husband was laid off he was loving and kind. Over time as the bills mounted his stress level increased.
I went to her home. There were things strewn everywhere.
I contacted the Royal Canadian Mounted Police detachment. I explained the situation. I asked the R.C.M.P. to visit the husband and speak with him. They did. They told me that they told the husband if he ever hit her again, he would be charged with assault.
The husband was irate. He swore he was going to report me to my superiors for abusing my authority. His anger really was a call for help. He broke down and cried. Instead of judging him I listened.
He told me he was so sorry for beating up his wife. He loved her. He promixed to get counseling, which he did.
The marriage survived at least for the time I was there.
My sister says she has told her husband the emotional abuse must stop. The physical abuse ended when my sister hit her husband in such a way that she broke one of his ribs and collapsed a lung. She stood her ground. She said enough was enough.
I pray that they both stop emotionally abusing each other. My sister admits she has been emotionally abusive to her husband. I believe it is her way of defending herself.
Thank you for keeping this issue alive by writing to me. That piece was submitted a few months ago. People continue to read it.
For all those out there who are being abused, say enough is enough. Tell your abuser to get help. Be prepared to offer tough love and have your abuser charged. In Canada the police have the authority to charge an abuser even if the abused person does not.
At the root of the problem your abuser is emotionally sick. Just as we would go to a hospital when we are acutely ill, the abuser needs to be treated. Otherwise, what happens is the vicious cycle of abuse continues as in some instances the children seeing the abuse become abusers themselves. They see it as the way their parents handled conflict, so they copy the behaviour they see. It’s so sad, but it happens.
If your abuser refuses to seek treatment and you and/or your children are physically and/or emotionally at risk, get yourself to a shelter or the home of a supportive person. Don’t become a victim of Battered Person Syndrome. Don’t empathize with your abuser and say that in some way you deserved to be abused. You didn’t no matter what you said. It was your way of sticking up for yourself.
If you are abusing each other then you both need help. That is an unhealthy relationship that either needs to get healthy or end.
I have a message for all abusers. God loves you. He wants you to be whole again. If you continue to hurt your spouse and/or children and refuse to get help, keep this in mind. God is watching. God is watchiug. He will rain down his justice on you, which includes the opportunity to receive His forgiveness if and only if you stop abusing your spouse or anyone.
Abuser, please get help before you destroy yourself and the lives of those you say you love. Get help now! I beg of you, get help before you may even end up killing your wife and your children if not physically, emotionally as you scar their minds for life. Is that the way you want to be remembered? I hope not. I really hope not.
Please feel free to reblog “Battered Wife Syndrome” and my letter to you.
Let’s work together everyone to get the message out that we have a zero tolerance for abuse.
This letter is longer than I expected it to be. There was a lot that needed to be said.
To our united efforts to end the abuse.
You are performing an invaluable service by highlighting this issue and through your personal intervention in the situation you described. I am an agnostic but I have the greatest respect for what you are doing. Keep up the good work. All the best, Kevin
I thank you for your encouragement. Even if you are not a person of faith, I respect and value you as a person. By continuing to keep this blog piece alive you too are performing an invaluable service.
I know my sister will be thrilled her poem is traveling via cyber space to many people. I hope one day she sees just what a gifted communicator she is. My mom was very gifted when it came to English. After twenty-seven years of being out of school and not graduating high school, she was told when she was accepted to a very well known community college here in Ontario, Canada, called Seneca College, that her ability in oral and written English was that of a university graduate majoring in English.
My sister has this great talent in communication, but she hasn’t been using it like she could be. I know that if she could share her story of abuse through public speaking venues or at abuse shelters, many women would connect with her. She could take the lemons of her abuse and make lemonade out of them, really help facilitate the healing of many women.
Thank you for your active encouragement. It means a heck of a lot to me, especially as in sharing about my own abuse by my manic depressant schizophrenic father, I’ve had to go to some awfully difficult places. Yet, as I write about my abuse it is finally after over two years of counseling becoming more of a story. I’m planning on opening my own counseling practice.
I hope all who are abused will take even one small step today towards their inner healing. In the final analysis that’s what life is all about – a series of steps, some small, some large, but all directed towards a more positive life.
Reblogged this on Point4CounterPoint.
Thanks most kindly for the reblog. I really like how you address vital societal issues on your blog. I commend you for your courage in doing this. I will be following your important blog. Keep up the great work! Please let me know if I can be of assistance in your endeavours. I am in addition to being a graduate missions student a passionate social advocate and journalist. Perhaps, you would be interested in me guest blogging for you on societal issues.
Reblogged this on Watered Shoes and Burnt Rubber and commented:
Read the poem. Credits to:Judith Frotten. I am not sure how rebloggin works so forgive me if something’s amiss.
You did the reblog just fine. Thanks for keeping this vital issue alive.
Physical abuse can actually be easily healed… emotional and verbal abuse however is something that we still don’t pay much attention. . But a lot of women are suffering from emotional abuse and this is even harder to bear…
Thanks for your comments that show your passionate concern for the abused and addressing the issue of insufficient attention on the damage of emotional and verbal abuse.
We as a society need to put a far greater emphasis on effectively dealing with the long-term damage of emotional and verbal abuse. That kind of abuse can leave permanent scars. Yes, far too many women are suffering the devastating effects of emotional abuse. The problem is that much of the way the problem is addressed by legislators are weak laws, that say to the abuser there will be no major consequences for their actions.
Legal loopholes that allow an abuser to escape justice need to be closed.
There also needs to be a greater understanding that the abuser is sick. Just as one would go to a hospital when very ill, the abuser needs treatment.
I shared her poem on my blog. I wish you and her all the best.
Thanks most kindly for the reblog and your best wishes.
I know this story all too well. From my years as a therapist, from the years spent working with Child Protection and from some personal experience. My heart goes back to all involved.
Thank you for choosing to follow one of my blogs. If you go back into some of the earlier postings you will find poems related to your topic.
Thanks for sharing your most meaningful experience, thoughts and heart. I will look at some of your earlier poems. I’m sure there will be a great depth of meaning in them relating to the topic of abuse.
I have read several stories about women who have suffered and stood up against it.They have lead to a better life and are now happy in there lives and they don’t regret it. I will urge you to go on and leave that guy.Let him realize It’s he who is losing a gem.Move on, It’s going to be difficult but in the end you will be glad you did it…All the best 🙂
Thank you for sharing that message. I couldn’t agree more with all you’ve said.
May all your hopes and dreams for 2014 become a reality.