Monthly Archives: November 2013
My journalism professor, Rev. Will Rooen, died about four months ago. The lessons he taught me about effective communication live on in me. Will taught me much about journalism through studying with him and being selected for an intensive internship. This man with over 40 years of experience in journalism, who was the Dean of Communications at Canada Christian College & Graduate School, encouraged me to always keep close to God. A question he would often ask me is “What do you have in your hand? ” It was Will’s way of teaching me with a heart of Christ’s love to have a spiritual awareness about the kingdom work that was already available for me to do. I just needed to develop the spiritual eyes to see what God was showing me to do.
Will taught his students that for proper communication to happen there needs to be both a sender and a receiver. Our Lord sends us His divine communications as we pray or think about Him, but do we always receive what He has to tell us? Do we tune Him out because we say we are too busy? I know there’s been times I’ve done that. If we were to be completely honest about it, sometimes in the business of our life, the go here, do this, do that, in all of the demands of life, our spiritual reception can become weak.
This song from the Statler brothers asks this important question. Is your radio on? It is not said in words,but that is the message. They call us to turn on our spiritual reception.
The song calls us to get in touch with God. Their spirited singing challenges us to examine our relationship with God. Is your spiritual radio on? Are you going through a really rough time? You have grown out of touch with your Lord. Life just hurts too much. You pour out your heart and there is nothing coming back but dead air.
There is too much static in your life. You are in such a desperate situation. Your spiritual reception is so unfocused You feel confused, alone, abandoned and even rejected by your Lord. God has turned off your spiritual calls to Him. Why? What’s the problem? How can you fix it?
I would think many nights and even at times in the day about the pain of the unrelenting abuse from my manic depressant schizophrenic father. I found that a serious problem in my walk with God developed. In my anger at Him for feeling He had abandoned me as a five year-old boy when I saw my mom attempt to commit suicide by hanging herself with a belt, I failed to realize I then decided to turn partly away from Him.
I still loved Him. I still served Him. But something He wanted from me I was refusing to give was missing. I failed to realize that I was neither following or serving my Lord with all of my heart. Deep within I was harbouring a grudge. I was blaming God for being beaten too many times to count.
I am 11. My father swats me full force while I’m eating my supper. He knocks me to the kitchen floor. I hold my left ear beacuse the pain from the force of the blow has me crying.
His cutting words repeat over and over again in my mind like one song on continuous play. “You’re lazy. You’re stupid. You’re weak. You’re a mama’s boy. You disappoint me. I wish you had never been born. You’ll always be a failure. Your brother will go further in life han you ever will.”
When I am 17 two items are left in front of our apartment door, a Mickey Mouse figurine with no head and a school picture. The picture has a diagonal tear all the way through it.
I am 11 when the picture is taken. There is only a half smile. I live in a silent terror I’m too afraid to speak about. I’m terrified my father will kill us all if I breath one word about the horrifying abuse.
I write of these experience not to highlight my suffering, but moreover to point out that our spiritual radios often get turned off or left on low volume, because we will not forgive God or even ourselves for the abuse we have experienced.
I’m sure there are many who get angry at God when some hardship comes into their lives. I’ve had my yelling matches with God. There have been times I’ve screamed at Him about how awful my life has been.
There are times even now when I cry out to Him saying, “Lord, why is it after working six days a week 12 to 14 hours a day for eight months networking, I have yet to have one person come forward and offer me employment? You could change the equation in a heartbeat. Why aren’t You?”
In as difficult as this is, I have to accept my Lord knows what He is doing. Doors of opportunity are slowly starting to open. I thank God that Marmar was led by God to invite me to become a co-author. It has given me a way to show the kind of writing my Lord has trained me to do.
I had no idea when my Lord called me to commit to starting His blog, that so many people would end up following it. You have and continue to give me such tremendous encouragement and support. Not fully accepting the compliments of others is one of the scars from my abuse that is finally beginning to heal.
Often, those who have been abused when told they have done something well find it difficult accepting a compliment. If dad says I’m no good, then why are these people saying such positive and affirming things to me?
Too many people who have been abused begin to accept the negative programming they receive. When you’ve heard over and over again that you’re a piece of garbage, it’s really hard to believe the truth that you are a beautiful and intelligent person. It’s not logical that garbage can be beautiful. Accepting the truth that you are an awesome creation of God is a huge paradigm shift to make when you’ve been told the opposite for so many years.
I have advised people who have been the victims of abuse to write down and speak out affirmations about themselves. I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I have many talents. I’m a skilled manager, artist, teacher, writer or whatever they do well.
Then, I have them write down the kinds of things God would want them to hear and believe. You are my blessed child. I love you. You are the apple of my affection. I love you with an everlasting love. Please, my child, don’t believe the lies the Enemy tells you. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You do so many things well. You are a gifted (then write down and speak out whatever you are gifted at or have an aptitude to learn more about). I’m so proud of you!
If I could give all those who have been abused a gift, I would ask the Lord to hit the erase button, so you could no longer remember those painful experiences. Yet, for God’s reasons for the call uniquely suited to you, often not all of those hurtful memories are forgotten.
I have learned that much of the abuse I experienced had to be remembered. Why? God is using my woundedness to be a victorious healer of others.
I can honestly say to those who have been abused I’ve been down that road. I hear you. But please don’t do what I did for far too many years. Don’t hold on to your pain as a badge of honor. Get rid of it. Put all your pain, all your heartache, all your anger at the foot of the Cross. Only Christ the great burden bearer can carry it. Only He can remove the sting of its destructive pain from your life.
I know there are people who have written to me about their abuse. Let’s take a journey of inner healing together.
Wherever you are I would like you to pray this prayer.
Almighty God, I want to move from being a wounded healer to being a victorious healer. I’m asking You to take all the garbage of my past, all the lies of the Enemy and take them to Heaven. Then, I’m asking You, Lord, please put it all into Your heavenly garbage truck and dump it all at the foot of the Cross.
Lord, I don’t want to feel like a piece of trash anymore. I am not the lies my father, my mother or anyone told me. I’m a beautiful person, who needs Your love, needs to be held in Your loving and tender arms. Hold me close. Let my tears be liquid prayers to You.
In Jesus’ mighty name, I rise to being a victorious healer. When the Prince of Liars whispers to me I’m filth, I will repeat all the affirmations about myself and Your character.
I will lead others to be victorious healers. Teach me all I need to know. Teach me where I need to grow. Teach me about things above. Teach me of a Father’s love.
Right now in the name of Jesus, I claim victory over the forces of darkness.
You have a calling on my life uniquely suited to me. I claim that calling now in the name of Jesus Christ.
Set my life aflame to do Your holy and perfect will.
Thank you for healing me and setting me free from the darkness, so I can embrace Your Hope, Your Life, and Your Light.
I know I have shared this song before. I searched through many songs, but Healing Rain by Michael W. Smith spoke to my heart the most. Let a Father’s extravagant love wash over you, as you listen to Michael W. Smith speak to your heart.
Let us journey together to live for our Lord as victorious healers.
Posted in On Life's Purpose
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