I kinda expect that the first week of January will be flooded with posts regarding new year experiences, resolutions, and attitudes on facing 2014.
I didn’t really feel like writing but as I checked on my blog I saw a pattern on my co-authors posts. They wrote about love, peace, healing, strength, bearing fruit, and being dried up. Please read previous posts within January to see the pattern that I talk about.
Having read those posts by my co-authors compels me to evaluate my attitude towards 2014 and let go of my bitterness towards 2013.
With all honesty, I was not happy when 2013 ends.
When Typhoon Haiyan ruined our home at Visayas, my mother, together with my siblings has to move here in Negros and live temporarily in our relative’s house, where I used to live. It was my opportunity to see them for I haven’t seen them for years.
Instead of grabbing that opportunity to see them I chose not to show up because of my situation at work. My boss is not giving me enough salary so I am only receiving little and I would send that money to my mother.
I feel like being tortured by my situation. I don’t want to demand so much of my boss since I know he’s also having trouble with his finances. The reason why I don’t want to show up in my family is because I don’t know how to explain to them why I’m not earning in my job.
There were plenty of times I was tempted to quit my job and find a new one that pays right and pays on time. More than wanting to quit my job there is a part of me that don’t want to quit on my boss. I took the job even it won’t pay me well because my boss was my mission.
That was how I started working for him. I worked for him because I was concerned about him and his family. He used to be our churchmate but he stopped going to church and I was really worried about him.
Let me go back to why I was not happy.
After reading my co-authors’ posts I realized that not seeing my family was not really the reason why I was not happy.
I was not happy because I was not being fruitful. That’s how I feel today. I feel like I’m not bearing much fruit. In fact I feel so dry. I’ve been worried and unpeaceful to the point that I forgot to trust God. There were moments I wanted to question Him why this is happening to me. There were also moments that I wanted to compare my situation to Job and moments when I encouraged myself to stay strong and believe that something good comes when you endure.
Unfortunately all of those moments were wasted.
It has become about me and no longer about God’s power and glory.
Now I ask myself, what if I prayed during those moments. What if I called on God and learned to depend and trust in Him.
All along I assume that I’m doing my mission. All those times I was just assuming I’ve given up myself for the sake of others.
I was wrong.
I wasn’t doing my mission. I ceased to pray for my boss and his family. I even ceased to say my daily prayers to God. I’ve forgotten what I was commanded, and the worst is I have forgotten to report to the one who has commanded.
Posted on January 4, 2014, in Facing the new year and tagged 2013, 2014, blog, blogging, christianity, church, circumstances, compassion, endurance, faith, God, hard times, inspiration, life, love, mindseat, mission, new year, perseverance, resolution, selfless, trials. Bookmark the permalink. 36 Comments.