What am I doing with my life? I’m living it.
I recently had a heart to heart conversation with a dear friend, in which I had a session of opening up and telling of my current woes.
One of the problems that’s been currently bothering me is that I am struggling to focus on things. It’s been difficult for me lately to focus on individual projects, which on their own are already stressful, and this inability to focus is causing a great deal of no productivity and pressure, which is just adding to the stress. Thus, I am in a lot of stress.
This friend asked me an interesting question: “Are you having fun?”
I was confused. I asked her what she meant by it. She asked me if I was doing any fun leisure activities in the midst of working.
“Are you taking time to have fun?”
I thought about it. I went to a movie last Friday, a movie that was okay. And that was it. I realized that I hadn’t done anything truly “fun” or social in a long time.
I don’t leave the house that much. That is, I leave when I need to, but I never really “go out.” Not even with myself. It’s because I feel that there’s nowhere for me to go, besides Barnes and Noble.
My friend said to me, “Catie, you need to live your life, not just go through it.”
I mentioned that I hate being asked (particularly by older adults): “So where do you work? What are you doing? Are you going to school? What are you doing with your life?” Those questions put me in a panic because I don’t want to tell them, because perhaps what I’m currently doing is something I don’t find worthy to be told.
My friend told me, “If they ask that question, if they ask what are you doing with your life, just answer, ‘I’m living it.'”
It’s the best answer because it’s the truest answer. I realized that there’s a difference between being alive and living. And I want to live.
It’s very hard for me to live one day at a time. My mind is always in the future, sometimes in the past, but mostly in the future. I have to keep reminding myself to keep it in today and let tomorrow be tomorrow. The Lord’s prayer says, “Give us this day our daily bread.” Because daily is all we need to be taking today.
There is a stirring quote by C.S. Lewis in his book The Weight of Glory that really gave me revelation:
“Never, in peace or war, commit your virtue or your happiness to the future. Happy work is best done by the man who takes his long-term plans somewhat lightly and works from moment to moment ‘as to the Lord.’ It is only our daily bread that we are encouraged to ask for. The present is the only time in which any duty can be done or any grace received.”
Work from moment to moment, as to the Lord. That’s how we live.