Father, we come before You with seeking hearts. We try to understand You. We are left with more questions than answers. Guard us from being so lost in our questions that we fail to see where You are leading us.
You take us where we don’t want to go. You show us through life’s circumstances not to hold on too tightly to where we live. You can change it all in a heartbeat. You turn our ordered lives upside down. You are prepared to drag us kicking and screaming to where You want us to go, and what You desire for us to do. Give us the willingness to submit to Your will. When we follow where You are taking us there can be peace. The battle of wills is over. Show us it is far better to do that than to refuse to be led by You.
We cry out to You with the whys of our lives. Why must I go through this struggle? Why must I have times of illness? Why must I go through the shadowlands of sorrow to see where You are leading me?
Help us to know why we believe. Give us the ability to say why we know what we know. When we believe and know we help others who are lost, and can’t find their way through their questions.
Give us the trust of a person with developmental challenges so others will be real with us. Let us rejoice that You have given us beautiful minds to show others the beauty that lies within them.
Every moment we live let us breathe Your love and life into others.
Life isn’t about things. It’s about giving our love to others, the lost, the lonely, those seeking but stumbling along life’s way. We don’t need to go far to find these people. They are all around us. Grant us the ears to listen to their lives, and be there for them in their time of need.
I have times of shaking my fists at You rather than opening my hands. Lord, when I do that You know it doesn’t mean I don’t love You. I do. When I yell at You It’s the way I react sometimes to the uncertainties of my life. I get lost. I can’t find my way. I panic. I hammer a square peg into a round hole to make life fit my way, but it never works. I shout at You, “God, why can’t You just this once let me have it my way? Would it upset Your plan to do that? Why are some among my family and friends financially secure and I’m not? Why are they healthy and I have to tke so many medications to improve mine? Why have some kept their jobs and I lost some of mine? Why can they have that 70 inch big screen TV while I have only a 14 inch laptop for streaming that’s several years old? Why do they get to live in a house worth several hundred thousand dollars, but I lived through years of being in a small room you could barely turn around in.? Why do they get to go to fancy restaurants to eat anything and any time they want while I’m stuck eating leftovers for the fifth day. The Lord knows I’m not thankful for turkey hash for the fifth day. Forgive me for being like that when millions of people feel blessed to have one meal a day.
I know. I’m looking at the wrong things. But, Lord, You understand, don’t You, that You are being unfair? Don’t You get it? You are being cruel to allow some of my family, friends, and even my colleagues to prosper, while Karen’s and our bank account is overdrawn every month. We can’t keep our head above the water. We’re sinking. We’re being drowned by our lives Yet, in those trying times You sustain us. You provide all we need.
If You cared You would change the equation. You’d let those who flaunt their wealth know what it feels like to be poor. You’d let them eat from dented cans of tuna while Karen and I have New York T-bone steak. We would have a new car while they drove a cheap one that constantly needed fixed, but they couldn’t afford it. They would pay hundreds of dollars from their disability income on medications while we could pay for all of ours. You would let them live in a tiny dingy basement room while Karen and I live in a house with lots of light we own. But You let them go on being able to spend thousands of dollars a month on whet they eat while we have to live on a food budget of around $500 a month. They get to live in their luxurious homes. They drive expensive cars. They have more than enough money to satisfy all their pleasures.
That’s just mean.
I hear You. I do. This is how I’m searching to find You. I have to get it off my chest. I can’t keep it bottled up inside. You hear me. You know I love You. These are the questions darkness puts into my mind.
You love us by not giving us all we ask for. You don’t want us poisoned by the accumulation of things. You see where we are blind. You get us like no one else. Forgive us for looking at the wrong things. Direct us.. Protect us from ourselves. We your hurting children need to be healed inside from the corruption of the world. We need, oh how we need You! We go off in m our own direction like lambs who wander off leaving the flock.
Lead us back home to You.
We lay all our sin at Your feet. Cleanse us so we are whiter than snow.
Free us from the shackles of our stubbornness.
Let there be more of You and less of us.
Thank you, Lord, for leading us back home to You.
I’m s stumbling sinner seeking to teach others how to find grace.