Category Archives: On Circumstances
My prayer for you is that you would feel the all-embracing love of Christ. Let Him wrap His tender arms of love around you. Come away from the noise in your life to a time of peace. Oh, how we all need to take respites from the business of our lives! We need to take time to smell the beauty of a flower, hear the chirping of a bird, the trees rustling with the wind, the joy of a child’s laughter, the awakening of our inner child, who wants to play.
Christ that man of sorrows acquainted with suffering hears you right now. He is watching over you even if you think He’s not. He loves you with an everlasting love. He hears every one of your tears, your public and private pain. Let Christ love you. Let Him enfold you. Trust Him. Come to Him with all your doubts, questions, fears and anger. He can take it. He doesn’t want you to carry it any longer.
Christ loves you so much He was willing to die for you. Perhaps, some of you think it strange He would love you that much. You have never felt what true love is. You have only known abuse. You are angry at God He didn’t rescue you. For over 48 years I was in that dark place for all the cutting words of my schizophrenic father. “You’re lazy. You’re weak. You’re stupid. Your brother’s smarter than you’ll ever be. You’ll always be a failure. Why are you so awkward you can’t tie your own shoes?”
At age 11 I made a vow I would find a way to murder my father. I would get him furious at me. He would come at me. I would stab him with a knife. I would twist it and give it an upper thrust until he was dead. I thank God I didn’t get the opportunity to kill my father. It would have destroyed my life.
God did hear my prayer at age five as I sat under the cool shade of a willow tree by our home. I made a promise to Him if He would save me from my abuse, I would grow up to help others heal from theirs. That prayer wouldn’t be answered for six miserable years.
My father nearly let me drown as a toddler in Georgian Bay in Thornbury, Ontario. In one lucid moment my father pulled me out of the water by the dock. At age five I saw my mother attempt to commit suicide by hanging from a belt over the awning of our bathroom door. I cried out, “Mom! Mom! Please don’t die!” I felt helpless to save her. When my father saw her in another moment of sanity he cut her down with a knife. I will never forget her choking, gasping for breath, sad to be alive, to not be freed from her lving hell.
I recall as if it was yesterday my brother and I running in a zig-zag pattern to avoid being shot by my father’s rifle from the hill above our home. I wouldn’t ever have to see my father claiming he was Jesus Christ or hearing him say the F.B.I. was out to get him.
My prayer at age five for my mother and brother to be freed from abuse was finally answered. At age 11 my mother, brother and me escaped our abuse. My two sisters had left and got married. It would be the end of seeing my mother beaten and brother emotionally abused by my father.
For me to go on to the calling God has on my life I had to learn an important word – forgiveness. I had to let go of all of my hate not only for my father, but all who have hurt me physically and emotionally. I know this is not an easy word. I’m still learning what forgiveness truly means. It’s far easier to let the hate consume you, eat away at you like the parasite to love and joy that it is. Hate doesn’t accomplish one positive thing. Forgiveness frees you to love yourself and others. I’m not talking about a narcissistic love, but one where you stop hating yourself, end the false judgments of yourself. Please don’t believe the lies that come at you in the darkness, those times you are alone, while you are trying to sleep, in the seconds, minutes and hours of your life. Believe that you are a beautiful person inside and out. Let the truth of the perfect creation of God you are soak into you. Our Father doesn’t make junk. You are so precious to Him. You are the apple of His affection. He delights in you. He wants you to have a life of hope filled with joy and laughter.
When I let God’s love into my heart He gave me the second greatest gift of my life — my beautiful wife, Karen. God knew I needed her love, the healing of her caresses, a secret hiding place from the agonizing pain I have experienced in my life. I needed someone who would love me, be a shelter for me when those haunting voices of abuse would tear away at me seeking to destroy me. God heard my prayer for a woman who would challenge me to be the best I could be, to run this race of faith with an abounding joy in my heart. God gave me more than I prayed for. He gave me a rose amongst all those stabbing thorns in my life, which were robbing me of the zest for living. God showed me through His and Karen’s love that while weeping lasts for a night if we don’t give up joy comes in the morning.
Let all the hate go so love, Christ’s love for you will pour into your soul. Let the healing rain cascade all over and inside of you. Let Him love you. Let Him heal you within. Even if you can’t forgive your abuser right now, I pray you would forgive yourself. You have done nothing wrong that warrants being hit, punched, raped, bruised in spirit and body. You are not to blame. Your abuser is. Your abuser needs professional help to stop abusing you. For that to happen your abuser needs to be willing to change.
You have a right to a life free from abuse. Don’t be a prisoner to it. Escape it. Call the police if you are being abused. Go to a shelter if the physical and emotional harm continues or stay with family or friends. This is a time you need people around you who will love you, who will hear your pain, where you can feel safer again. Get counselling to help you heal from all those blows to your body, mind and spirit.
Allow yourself the gift of a life free from ever being hit again. Give yourself permission to live again.
Let healing love come in.
Kevin and Karen Osborne are Christian pastoral counsellors and psychotherapists. Kevin is studying to become a chaplain and professor of Psychology specializing in Pastoral Theology. We have started You Can Hope Again Counselling. Karen enjoys doing cross-stitch while I like writing and singing songs. Karen makes me laugh when she sings the kitty bed-time song saying, “It’s that time. It’s the bestest kitty time of the day!” Kevin enjoys teasing the kitties and making them do kitty dances with music. Their kitty, Catherine, loves it when kitty daddeh sings All Things Bright and Beautiful. Kevin likes doing impressions. He tells children’s stories and helps others with their problems using his hand puppet, Dr. Teddy, who is a therapy bear. He is a partner with us in our counselling practice.We are available to assist with worship and preaching to give busy pastors and ministers a much-needed break. We offer in-office, and phone counselling to anyone in the world.