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A Writer’s Worst Day
This blog piece is a departure from what I do
Of writing serious posts that seek to inspire you.
I thought it was time for you to see my lighter side.
Thought we could both use a break from me being serious
And I’d speak to all the writers out there
Of the empathy with you I do share.
Of how your writing goals can go off the track
When a day goes by that you can’t get back.
You sit at your keyborard praying for inspiration
But all you can come up with is more perspiration.
So you grab a cup of coffee or two or three or four
To get the creative juices flowing you do pour.
But, that’s not enough to get your engine going
So, you toast some bread and add some jam
You feel so tired; you were up all night before
Polishing off your article to go out the cyber door.
All you want is your comfy bed.
Pull the covers over your head
To catch a few more zzzzzzzs
But not before you have some bacon, eggs and cheese.
You lay in bed and try to go to sleep
But that writer’s block just won’t let you sleep.
So, you get up and do as the sleep experts say:
Read for a while and back to sleep you will go
But that doesn’t work so you say, “What do sleep experts know?”
By now it’s about noon, so it’s time for lunch
You figure, well, as long as I’m up, I’ll have an extended brunch.
Now, it’s one o’clock, and you give yourself permission to go back to sleep.
Oh, no! You can’t do that. You ‘ve a 2:00 p.m. doctor’s appointment to keep.
You rush in your car to your appointment
But are you ever in for a disappointment!
The doctor’s late by one hour so you’re not seen until three.
By this time you’re ready to tell the doctor’s secretary
That you have to go home ‘ cause you’re feeling rather tired
Your energy meter, well, it reads, “Expired!”
When you’re about to head out the door
The doctor appears, and you wanna give him what for.
The doctor takes one look at you
Says, “You look more tired than I do!”
Go home and get some sleep.
This heavy schedule you can no longer keep.”
By the time the appointment ends, it’s 4:30.
Time to go home and help a romantic dinner to prepare
For your darling who’s waiting there.
You go to get your car to find it’s been towed away
You discover in your exhaustion you parked in a no parking zone.
You try to call your wife on the cell phone
But alas, the cell phone has gone dead.
By this time you’re really seeing red!
You go back to the doctor’s office to call your wife from there
But the office hours are over. How did this day go so fast?
Into the abyss this day I’d love to cast!
So, you tell a stranger passing by that your cell phone has gone dead.
“Coud I use your cell phone to call my home instead?”
The stranger says with a caring heart, “Of course, you can use my phone! It’s free.”
You say a prayer of thanks for the stranger’s kind humanity.
You call with hesitancy in your voice as you explain to your wife the events of the day
You breath a deep sigh when she says, “Darling, that’s okay.
Sounds like you’ve had one lousy day!”
You get a taxi to where the car’s been impounded.
The man there says, “It’s $600 to get your car ungrounded.”
You can’t believe what you are hearing.
By this time your anger is searing.
You negotiate $400 to set your car free.
You see by your watch that it’s now 7:30.
By the time you drive the car home to your family, it’s nine.
Oh, how for your welcoming bed you do pine!
You open the door, ready to drop into your loving wife’s arms,
When you hear the sound of the smoke alarm.
The romantic supper your wife and you planned for
Has now become burnt because your cat who is sick ran out the door
You take an hour looking for the cat
And when the cat saunters back
You and your wife are having a spat.
You’re red-faced. She’s in tears.
The neighbour who never liked you jeers,
“Shut up, you two, or the cops I’ll call!”
Wouldn’t that be an ending to it all!
Your wife dries her tears and mimics him well
Causing you to laugh and say, “That would be just swell!”
Your neighbour stares at you, mouth all agape,
You grab your wife and whisper, “Let’s make an escape.”
You run in the house, the door behind you you slam.
You wife turns to you and exclaims, “How in love with you I am.”
And you say, “Darling, what a blessed man I am
This day is awful, that much is true
But it doesn’t matter because, love of my life, I’ll always love YOU.”
–Kevin and Karen Osborne
Karen is a Master of Divinity student at Trinity College in the University of Toronto. She will be my partner in the Christian counselling practice we will be starting. Kevin, B.Th with honours, D.D. D.Sc, Diplomate in Creative Ministry is a writer along with Karen and singer/song writer, who is training to be a Christian psychotherapist. with St. James the Elder Theological Seminary. They are both members of The Word Guild, a Christian writer’s group in Canada. We are available to preach, give motivational and inspirational talks or speak about marriage enrichment..We can be contacted at osborne2029@gmail.com
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