Do you ever get spirit sore?

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Do you ever feel spirit sore?

Life doesn’t have the joy it did before.

There are people who get under your skin.

At times you say to yourself in frustration, “What lousy shape I’m in.”

Physically drained

Depressed

Emotionally exhausted

Spiritually spent

On the edge of or are in burnout

You wonder, “How did things get this way?”

I will take a chapter our lives to explain what might have happened.

For the last year and a half my wife, Karen and I, have been dealing with an emotional bully.

We had no choice because she is our landlord.
We live above her in a two-bedroom apartment.

For six months she was kind.

Then, she changed.

We don’t know why and probably never will.

She is refusing to accommodate my medical disability.

We informed her of the nature of it when we applied to live here.

Multiple attempts to mediate the situation have been unsuccessful.

We were left with no choice but to file a complaint with the Ontario Human Rights Tribunal.

We have been looking for another place to live for over a year.

We have a housing crisis in Ontario and throughout Canada.

There is a lack of affordable housing.

I won’t get into the reasons for that. Our story is to illustrate an important point.

When we were worn down by the seemingly never-ending search for a place, God came through.

We are moving to a beautiful apartment some time in April.

Every day we cried out to God for help.

Often, our prayers were ones of petition.

“God, we can’t take being bullied any longer.

We beg You to get us out of here!”

I ended up in the ER five times because our landlord believes her right to use scented products like scentsy warmers and perfume supersedes my right to live.

Two times I was there for anaphylaxis.

The other three were for severe asthma attacks.

In the process of waiting upon God we became spirit sore.
Worn

Frazzled

Drained

Dragging our butts through each day.

Many days are a blur.

Mental forgetfulness can be a blessing.

It’s how our minds protect us from trauma.

But when you are in a constant state of this adrenaline rush where your sentry is on guard day and night, there is only so much your body and mind can withstand.

How did we get through?

A minute, hour, day, and a month at a time.

Our faith sustained us.

Even if you don’t believe in God, many of us acknowledge there is a power that goes far beyond self-determination, which is still important.

We do our best to stick with it when someone or others are sticking it to us.

But we are human.

We can only take so much.

No matter how strong an individual you are, circumstances happen in life that can bring you to your breaking point.

It could be the death of your spouse —

a divorce,

losing your job,

moving, or sadly, your child committing suicide.

Our experience and yours of spiritual heartache isn’t anything new.

When Jesus was in the garden at Gethsemane, He asked His disciples three times to keep watch. The time He would be betrayed by Judas for 30 pieces of silver, and handed over to be crucified, was drawing closer.

Three times He found them asleep and had to wake them up.

How would you feel if you were leading these people?

You assign your followers a task and they fail.

What would happen in a battle if the soldier that was supposed to stay awake to warn the battalion of enemy attack fell asleep?

They would be subject to severe losses and injuries of the entire company.

Many of those who survived would have permanent disabilities.

Some would have spinal cord injuries that confined them to a wheelchair.

Others would be blinded by artillery fire.

There would be those who became deaf from the blast of a bomb.

They might never hear again.

Some soldiers and officers would be blinded by gunfire.

There would be those who would lose an arm or leg or both arms and legs.

What kind of career could most hope for in the military after that?

How would they go on with their lives?

No doubt those who are in the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines understand the questions I’m asking.

You live with them every day.

If you haven’t been physically wounded, there are many of you who have P.T.S.D.

Conflict doesn’t end when you are sent home if the PTSD can’t be managed.

It’s just beginning as you strive to adjust to your new life as a civilian.

I commend you for your service to your country.

You make it safer for us to sleep at night.

You are protecting us either at home or overseas.

You must feel lonely a lot.

It takes a strong marriage to survive being apart for months at a time.

You must have times when you are spirit sore.

There is no wife or husband to hug you.

You do your best to focus on your mission, but you’re only human.

Face chats with your spouse are helpful, but it’s nowhere near to feeling their embrace, a kiss, nibbling on your ear and whispering private thoughts that excite you. Need I say more?

Whenever you feel abandoned, I pray you will know and believe you can come to God.

He comforts us like no human being can.

When you are tempted to give up and say life is too tough to handle, our Father listens better than your spouse, children, a neighbor, friend or colleague.

These people are so very much needed because they help meet your need for human comfort, for companionship.

But we have found in God One who knows and understands everything we’re thinking.

We don’t need to go back to the beginning of our trial with our landlord. He has heard it all. He felt it all. He is there in every tear we’ve shed, every time we poured out our souls to Him. When we’ve yelled and got angry with our Father, not once has He taken it personally.

God gets us.

I pray that what I have shared has touched your life in some way.

I pray also that whenever you’re worn down by life, you will take all you’re feeling to God.

“The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Never let go of God. Hold on to Him. He will see you through. The Lord is doing that with us through moving us on not just to our next home, but moreover whatever plan He has for us.

We are excited about it!

But as we downsize from a two-bedroom to one-bedroom apartment, we’ve had to donate or give away many things, including many of our books.

When we’ve said to God, “No, not that book. Please don’t ask that of us,” He has replied, “You both need to let go of these particular ones, so there is room, more space for all the blessings I want to bring into your lives.” There have been times when what God has required of us has been painful, but that’s how we grow as people, draw nearer to Him, and how we feel His spiritual energy in us.

We ask for your prayers.

Please let us know how we can pray for you.

Dr. Kevin Osborne is a Vice-President for Student Affairs for St. James the Elder University. Dr. Osborne is a doctor of theology candidate through SJTEU. He is s therapist, writer, poet, and singer. He helps people in their inner healing journey. Dr. Osborne lives in Timmins, northern Ontario, Canada, with his wife, Karen. She is the Registrar for SJTEU. Karen has a B.A. in Clinical Christian Counseling from St. James the Elder University. Karen is a writer, editor, and missionary of the heart.